


What's gone is gone

by Lady_Ganesh



Category: Saiyuki, Saiyuki Gaiden
Genre: Community: hc_bingo, Gen, POV Outsider, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-18
Updated: 2011-06-18
Packaged: 2017-10-20 14:45:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/213894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Ganesh/pseuds/Lady_Ganesh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A member of the 1st Division remembers his old superiors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's gone is gone

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 'hugs' square at HC_Bingo, and inspired in part by [](http://www.dreamwidth.org/profile?user=athena8)[**athena8**](http://www.dreamwidth.org/profile?user=athena8) 's awesome translations of [Minekura's vision](http://athena8.livejournal.com/433430.html?view=comments) of the 1st. Thanks to [](http://red-squared.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**red_squared**](http://red-squared.dreamwidth.org/) for the beta.

Yeah, well. Everyone asks about them sooner or later. It’s all right. I miss them. Nice to have the chance to remember them.

We knew all along what side we were on. Don't you understand? We never thought they were traitors, not for a second. We would've stood up for them in court, if it'd ever come to that. Would've fought for them. Died for them if we'd had to.

They were good to us, you know? Bought us sake, took us to barbecue. You ever had barbecue, Down Below? Nothin' like it. Your mouth waters, just remembering it later. But, you know, that's not why. You couldn't buy the First Division. You remember that.

I was the last one who joined, the new guy, you know? Just didn't fit in at first, lonely as hell. Marshal Tenpou told me he knew I'd find my way, though, and he was right.

First battle I was in, the call got to us late. I wonder now if Li Touten had something to do with it, but too late to worry about it now, I guess. You ever seen anything dead? Anything die? We got to the field and it was soaked in blood. We could save a couple animals, but--

There was this one.

A deer, tiny little thing, just a baby. The creature--

It'd--

The seal was easy. Trying to save that deer sure wasn't. One of its arteries had been sliced open, and--

We did the best we could.

It wasn't enough.

I'd never seen death before.

You don't want to see it. Ever.

The others went off to wash up, but I....

I just stayed there for a while with it. We couldn't bury it, it wasn't our job. We had to get out of there. But it'd been just a baby.

Next thing I knew, the General was kneeling down next to me. "General Kenren," I said, "I'm sorry--"

He put his arm around me. He said, "I would've been disappointed in you if you weren't shaken, kid."

That was the thing. They didn't want us to be robots. They believed in us. They trusted us.

"Thank you," I said. And his arm around me, it sounds stupid now, but it felt like he was telling me he trusted me, like he knew I'd be okay. I saw the Marshal look over at us, and he smiled at me, and that's when _I_ knew I'd be okay.

Yeah, I know what they say about them. Didn't matter then, doesn't matter now. None of our business anyway. Didn't stop them from caring about us.

Anyway, he stayed with me until I could stand, walked me back to the rest of the guys. And it was pretty clear anyone who tried to pick on me would feel the back of his hand. But they didn't. They understood, I realized that later. But they also respected him. We all did. That was their way, with all of us. They didn't yell at us. They didn't _have_ to. They made us smarter, tougher, stronger. Better soldiers. Better men.

We would have died for them.

We would have _killed_ for them.

If you don't understand that, if you can't understand what it's like having someone like that by your side, at your back--

I guess I feel sorry for you.


End file.
